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Packages of Shingles

"Hello? HELLO? Dammit..."
"May I help you, sir?"
"There you are. Finally! I want to complain about your roof!"
"My roof, sir?"
"Yes, dammit! Don't play dumb! I want to complain about the roof on your building here!"
"Ah. You want to speak to the Building Manager, then. I inspect factories, you see. I don't have much to do with this office building. I'll see if he's..."
"Typical bureaucrat. Shuffling me off because 'it ain't my job.'"
"Well, you can talk to the person who can do something about the problem or you can talk to me, if you prefer. What's the problem?"
"You've got packages of shingles all over your roof!"
"Indeed, Sir. Most buildings do have shingles on their roofs. What's wrong with them?"
"They're still in the packages!"
"Ah, yes, I had noticed that."
"That's ridiculous! That's bad!"
"I entirely agree with you, sir."
"Well, what are you going to do about it?"
"Why should I do anything about it at all?"
"Because it's bad for the shingles to sit up there on the roof inside the packages! It damages them! They won't last long because they'll be all damaged when you put them on the roof! Any layman knows that!"
"I hadn't heard that, but I'll take your word for it, sir."
"So what are you going to do about it?"
"Nothing. I inspect factories. I was just wandering by the front desk when I heard you shouting, so I came up to see if I could help you."
"Then get me the damned building manager, since you're worthless. HE will do something about those shingles, for damned sure!"
"I will call him here for you, sir, certainly. But he won't do anything about the shingles either."
"Dammit, this is outrageous! It's a waste of the taxpayer's money letting those shingles rot in the packages like that!"
"Acutally, sir, it isn't. We don't own the building, you see. There's no taxpayer money involved. Well, not directly anyway!"
"Bullpuckey! The state's name is on the building!"
"Indeed it is, sir, because we have offices here and we have had them for ten years. But the State doesn't own the building. It's owned by a private landlord. All we do is pay him rent. He contracts to have the maintenance done, however he wants to."
"You're lying."
"If you say so, Sir. Check with the County Clerk if you don't believe me. She has records of who owns what property."
"Maybe I WILL go talk to the County boys. The ones at Zoning and Building Codes. They gotta have a rule against leaving the shingles on the roof like that. I'll put in a word with them."
"I wish you would, sir, since they're the reason the shingles are still in the packages in the first place."
"Well, as I said, this is a private building and the landlord can have the maintenance done however he wants. Presumably he went with the cheapest bid. Now, I could guess why the company he chose wanted to put the shingles on the roof on Friday afternoon late and put them all on over the weekend- when those County Boys you were talking about aren't on the job- but if I did say why I thought it was, that might be slander.
"In any case the Building Inspector saw what they were doing, and he was steamed. They hadn't pulled a permit or paid the fees or anything. He shut them down. That's why the shingles are still up there in their packages; waiting for the paperwork to be sorted out and the fines to be paid and all of that. But by all means, go talk to the Building Inspector. Maybe it will help."
"You have a lousy attitude."
"I entirely agree, sir."
"Well, I.. I.. WHY am I wasting my time talking to you?"
"I don't know, sir. I came up here because I heard you shouting and thought I might be able to direct you to whomever you needed to see, that's all."
"And another thing! There should be someone at the reception desk to help me when I come in!"
"I entirely agree, sir. Unfortunately the current administration won't pay for anyone to fill in while our regular receptionist is sick."
"Then you should have some way for visitors to call someone to the front desk!"
"Ah. Like this telephone by your right elbow, with the sign that says 'Visitors please dial 3400?'"
"Dammit! You should put that somewhere somebody might actually see it!"
"Ah, that I can help you with. Let me slide it two feet to the right... right in front of you now. There. Is that better?"
"Dammit, I.. oh.. ACKgrkkhhh....."
"Oh dear." Click beep beep beep beep "General call, first aid responders to the front desk with the AED. There.
"How unfortunate. Heh. Score one for The Bureaucrat."


My Stories , My Books for Sale


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 17th, 2012 03:52 am (UTC)

I would have paid money to sit in on that one!
Aug. 17th, 2012 11:05 am (UTC)

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )